I Avoided Relationships After Losing My First Love, Then Turned to Casual Sex

I lost the first person I loved when I was 15, and the grief changed how I related to people. I became afraid of getting attached, isolated myself and struggled with my mental health for years. At university, I turned to dating apps and casual encounters to build confidence and avoid emotional closeness. By 2023, I estimated that I had slept with about 40 people, yet I had never been in a committed relationship. A health scare, an honest friendship and a new church community pushed me to reflect on my choices. I have now been celibate for four months and am focusing on healing, self-esteem and building healthier relationships before I date again.

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